Gonna Leave This Brokedown Palace

Gnosis and I have had a wonderful time together. Learning and growing in SL, teaching each other things, sharing what we've learned. He and I have had terrific literary discussions, talking about books, inspirations, and the day to day process of writing for a living.

Living in the house that G built was a joy, but was also filled with little frustrations that never got resolved. When you can't set a place as home, and have to log in and out of SL from a public point, you never really get over the feeling of being homeless in that world. G never could or would get it set so I could make the palace he built for "us" my "home".

It also seemed that the communication was fizzling, and we never did anything but work. Yet, when it came to the work I was doing, there was always some obstacle, somethings that needed doing by G first. I resigned myself to this, and focused on my soon to be implemented plan for the park, collecting plants, textures, landscaping items and things to be used in the creation of it, waiting for the time when it was all ready for me to begin. And, all by myself, I created a lovely skybox, far up in the air, to call our own, as a surprise for Gnosis.


I worked with G, walking over the land over and over again, planning and scheming as to what we should turn it into. I explored all over SL searching for inspiration, and I took him to those places, showing him the things that could be done. Yet, after all this, when it finally got to the point that I could actually plant the park, which was to be my main job in the building of it, G wouldn't allow me to do it.

Instead of having a reasonable discussion as to the look he wanted to achieve, he chose to dismiss me with an offhanded remark about how it was to be done. Despite the fact that he SAID he respected my taste and eye for design and color, he suddenly withdrew his support for it. Without warning, he undid hours of my work, with no apology. He decided at the last that I was not going to plant the park, HE was, because he was not willing to relinquish that much control up to me.
That was more than I could take. Even though Gnosis had recently "loaned" me the money to buy a 4000L skin, (he got one too, here we are in our new looks, above) I do not feel indebted to him. I earned those Lindens and every other one he gave me, with the inspiration, the advice, the ideas and the support I gave him.

I am so glad that I ran into an old friend who needed dancers for his new club, because the earning potential that I discovered as a dancer made me realize; I don't need to subject myself to another just in order to survive in SL. I don't have to give up control, and restrain my fingers from typing the things I really want to say, just to keep the peace and my situation intact.

It was time to leave the brokedown palace that Gnosis built. I took what was mine, and I left everything else behind, including the lovely skybox I'd made for him. And still, days later, not a word from him. Not surprising really, I know him well enough to realize his distaste for confrontation and conflict. Some people live their lives, whether it be in the RL or the virtual one, in a totally different way than I can. I can never be as cool and detached as Gnosis seems to be. Nor do I have any desire to be.

I'm very sorry Gnosis, that our plans for the future are gone. I am devastated by the fact that you decided you could do it better without me. I am resigning as "VP" of your group, The Preserve, not because I want to, but because you left me with no other options. I have found that the things I can discover and learn in Second Life, I can do just as well, maybe better, without you. I will miss your dry sense of humor, your intelligence and your good advice on how to accumulate wealth in RL. I am sad that our relationship has to end this way, but there comes a point when the bad outweighs the good, and it has been that way for a while now.

I have enough sadness without having to live it in my virtual world... Second life is my place for happiness. I have found a taste of it and I'm going to go see where it leads me.

Be well Gnosis. I wish you all the best.